Even Miss Golightly’s bared silicone breasts are no match for the ravenous bacteria.
The five himbos and bimbos – played by Gage Golightly, Matthew Daddario, Nadine Crocker, Dustin Ingram and Samuel Davis – swallow the tainted swill – the water, not the script – and perish one-by-one in gruesome displays of flaking flesh.
Through no credit of his own, Zariwny does win points for being timely in the wake of what’s happening in Flint, Michigan, where people unwittingly killed themselves by drinking the water. It’s more that they’re scuzzy reprobates.īlame that on Roth’s directorial protégé Travis Zariwny, who appropriately goes by Travis Z, because ZZZZZ’s are what his version of “Cabin Fever” inspires, as he faithfully recycles his mentor’s original virtually scene for scene. And it’s not because they’re annoying, pampered millennials. This new outbreak follows a similar trek, only this time the quintet is even more detestable. That man-made malady, cooked up in the celluloid lab by writer-director Eli Roth, cost future taxpayers $21 million in wasted allowances, and featured five incredibly stupid recent college grads on a weekend trip to the Oregon woods. Luckily, I’ve built immunity due to my years of being exposed to similar strains of brain-eating horror pictures, including the original outbreak of “Cabin Fever” back in 2003. And the only known cure is mass avoidance, as in stay as far away as possible. But after 13 years of blessed remission, it’s back in theaters, infecting a whole new generation of unsuspecting adolescents. Yup! Must be “Cabin Fever,” a mind-numbing disease once believed eradicated. The symptoms are familiar: Nausea, fatigue and impatience accompanied by excessive eye roll and exasperation.
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